I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
