he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
