Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
