Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
