nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
where does the pee come out of this thing
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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