they need to just BURY HIM!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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