you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
