He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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