yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
