do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
