Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
