Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
