Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
