Welp...herpes.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
