I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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