I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize