I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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