Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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