My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
