I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
