I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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