He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
