I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
