Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
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