I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
