Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
