I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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