we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
