When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
