So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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