i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
