I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize