The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
