Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
