Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
