U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
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It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
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She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach