I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.