the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Im part way to drunk.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?