C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale