Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.