The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
