If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
