yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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