Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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