my mouth tastes like poor choices
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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