Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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