Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
