Moan for me like Helen Keller
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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