she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He? As in you personified your dick?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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