I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
