You work out of a Hotel?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
if only i could text you this smell
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
