this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
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I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
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are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
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