with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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