OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
