sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Damn victory sex feels great
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
