My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
