I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
