fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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