I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize