Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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