True but thats because hes a fetus.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
