glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
