I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
