Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
