"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Your cock deserves a montage
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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