YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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