Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
