Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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