u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
